Constant Confrontation Culture
I read an article recently about a news program that had gotten so heated in its argument that the anchor and a guest had to be cut off by the network. The show was sent to commercial to the sounds of two professional journalists screaming at one another. I shook my head at the fact that the news of the day was that two people talking about politics and world events could not peaceably discuss their differing positions with any respect for one another.
Unfortunately, it seems that the aforementioned incident is reflective of our society at large. People all across the political spectrum seem ready to attack one another at any given moment. Our society seems “loaded for bear,” no matter what the situation. While we could discuss the causes of this phenomenon ad infinitum, that is not the most important question. What is significant from a pastoral counseling perspective is, “What is this constant state of contentiousness doing to our emotional and spiritual health?” The answer lies in our interactions with others in all spheres of our lives: the office, our churches, the grocery store (where I was recently politically assailed by a woman who made me wish I had used the self-checkout), on social media, in schools, and especially in our homes. We are fish swimming in a sea of dissention and we do not seem to notice that the toxic water is distorting our abilities to get along with the people about whom we care the most. We seem to have forgotten how to show one another basic human decency if folks disagree with us.
So, what are we to do about this way of being? How can we work to make the world less argumentative rather than leaning into the constant confrontations? A few ideas…
When confronted with an argument, consider first, “Is this something I believe is worth arguing about? What good will come from arguing about this issue?” If the answer is less than satisfying, perhaps it is worth holding back on pushing an opinion.
When using social media, first ponder, “What contribution to a world of peaceful discussion am I making?” Cute vacation selfies can promote smiles and conversation about pleasant trips. Angry posts about neighbors who leave their garbage cans at the curb a day too long promote dissention amongst those people who live in community and could offer one another support in daily life. Consider doing the neighbor a favor and rolling the trash can in for them. The block Fourth of July cookout will be much more fun.
Remember what the kindergarten teachers of the world try to teach: respect your friends. How do we do that when they may have voted differently or believe something converse to our own values? We all get an opinion and the diversity of our thoughts and feelings only serves to make this world a more interesting place. Showing respect for the opinions of others means not insisting that our way is the only way.
Consider the individual. It is easy to look at a person with the labels they assign themselves, whether these are political, religious, or other rubrics. Try taking each person as they come, not as a part of the herd, but as a unique individual with a life history that has shaped who they are and what they believe.
Listen before speaking. This is a tough one, but it means that we have the opportunity to hear other sides of an issue. Listening does not mean being quiet long enough to plan our next assault on our sparring partner. It means taking the time to consider what another worthy individual has to say.
When in doubt, be nice. Politeness, chivalry, and consideration of how our words impact others will take us far in our work to make our corners of the world a bit more peaceful. A simple smile or inquiry as to how a passing person is doing may make a big difference for the giver and the receiver.
Blessings,
Shelton D. Davis, M.Div., M.A., L.P.C., N.C.C.
